Tuesday, July 08, 2008

CNB Who?

So, I've been watching Samantha Who to break the killing spell I've been watching the past month. Three seasons worth of Criminal Minds, a season of Dexter and a few episodes of 24 is enough to give me a murderous intent. I feel like I'm already channeling Dexter Morgan and that I'm about to hack someone any minute now. Right now I’m fantasizing slicing this person beside me in half with a Hattori Hanzo sword.

Samantha Who and Coffee Prince are nice breaks from all that blood. But watching Samantha Who made me remember something I thought of: if there was a way to remove anything from your memory, would you want to forget certain events that happened in your life, much like the plot in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Would you want to forget certain people who hurt you? Would you want to forget the indiscretions you did? Would you want to relieve yourself of the guilt from doing wrong against others?

I toyed with the idea of losing my memory for a while. The grand plan was to bang my head against a wall until I lose consciousness or the wall crumbles, whichever comes first. Then when I wake up, I would have lost part of my recent memory. Then I would not feel uninhibited by all the negative conditioning I’ve had. I would be free of all the mistakes I’ve made. Sounds like a plan, right?

I thought it would be fun to forget certain things like forgetting I have allergies. Or forgetting I don’t know how to swim or ride a bike. Or forgetting I cried over a cheesy anime. (Yes, I did. Now shut up.) Or forgetting I used to wear hideous clothes. (Hmm, I still do sometimes.) Or forgetting the wrongs against me. Or forgetting the mistakes I’ve made. But then, who’s to say that I won’t make the same mistakes? Even if I lose my memory, my basic nature would still be the same so I am still inclined to make the same decisions and commit the same mistakes.

The beauty of hindsight is its perfect 20/20 vision. We don’t need to second guess the outcome; we’ve experienced it first hand. The events that happened in our lives, no matter how hurtful, would contribute in building our character. I’m not implying that I’ve monopolized all the hurt that life has to offer, far from it. I’ve had a pretty happy life with the occasional bumps and bruises here and there. What I’m saying is when I think about it, I don’t want to forget anything. The life experiences I’ve had is as much a part of me as the dark circles under my eyes. I wouldn’t want to trade my bumps with someone else’s.

Amnesia, anyone?

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