My shoulders are aching. I need a massage, badly.

Work has been toxic lately and will be more so in the next couple of months. Pulling 12-13 hour work days for the past 3-4 months or so plus sneaking in a couple of hours of work during weekends has taken a toll on my social life. Oh, wait. I don't have one.

My guess is that the 13-hour work days would turn to 18 hours. I need vitamins.

I've been watching the first season of Grimm and I think it has potential. It's a cop drama with a fairy tale twist. The premise of the series is that supernatural creatures live amongst us and most of the time, they maintain human form. Some people with gifts, such as grimms, are able to see their true creature form.

I like this series because it's a little bit of a change of what I see on TV these days. Sure, I like procedural cop and medical dramas, but sometimes I need a bit of fairy dust in my life. Even if that fairy dust makes me see monsters.

Anyhow, another reason why I like Grimm is because it shows some truth about people. No, I don't think people are monsters even if sometimes they act like one. What I mean here is that there are other layers to people that we hardly ever see. On the surface, what you see is a nice and calm exterior but there may be something scary or sad underneath. And it's not easy to peel those layers. You can't force it; the person would have to be willing to show you who he really is and show you the different layers of his personality.

I'm glad that no one has grimm-like abilities. That way, no one will be able to see my layers. Who knows what I'm capable of, no one has seen the monstrous layers underneath my sweet smile yet. I could be a blutbad and I just might bite your head off.

So, I was finally able to use my Creative Zen as an ebook reader using Rasterbook. I had to try it a couple of times to get the correct picture size for the screen. I'm quite happy with it.

Music Tag Uli: Bond

Again, again, again.   Kulit ba?

RULES OF THE GAME:
Choose a singer or a band. Answer using ONLY titles of their songs. Tag 6 more people!

Artist: Bond

1. Are you male or female? Senorita.

2. Describe yourself? Explosive.

3. What do people feel when they're around you? Scorchio.  Fuego.

4. How would you describe your previous relationship? Duel.  I’ll Fly Away.

5. Describe your current relationship. Quixote.

6. Where would you want to be now? Space.  Strange Paradise.  Midnight Garden.

7. How do you feel about love? Kismet.

8. What's your life like? Viva!

9. What would you ask for if you only had one wish? Victory.

10. Say something wise. Shine.

RULES OF THE GAME:
Choose a singer or a band. Answer using ONLY titles of their songs. Tag 6 more people!

Artist: Matchbox Twenty

1. Are you male or female? Girl Like That. Last Beautiful Girl. (Walang kokontra.)
2. Describe yourself? Smooth. (Santana to, pero sama na rin.) Last Beautiful Girl.
3. What do people feel when they're around you? Dizzy. High.
4. How would you describe your previous relationship? The Burn. Can't Let You Go.
5. Describe your current relationship. Mad Season.
6. Where would you want to be now? Million Miles.
7. How do you feel about love? You and I. The Only One. Like Roses.
8. What's your life like? Like Roses.
9. What would you ask for if you only had one wish? Real World.
10. Say something wise. Damn. If You're Gone.

Anyone who reads this and wants to do this is tagged. :)

CNB Who?

So, I've been watching Samantha Who to break the killing spell I've been watching the past month. Three seasons worth of Criminal Minds, a season of Dexter and a few episodes of 24 is enough to give me a murderous intent. I feel like I'm already channeling Dexter Morgan and that I'm about to hack someone any minute now. Right now I’m fantasizing slicing this person beside me in half with a Hattori Hanzo sword.

Samantha Who and Coffee Prince are nice breaks from all that blood. But watching Samantha Who made me remember something I thought of: if there was a way to remove anything from your memory, would you want to forget certain events that happened in your life, much like the plot in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Would you want to forget certain people who hurt you? Would you want to forget the indiscretions you did? Would you want to relieve yourself of the guilt from doing wrong against others?

I toyed with the idea of losing my memory for a while. The grand plan was to bang my head against a wall until I lose consciousness or the wall crumbles, whichever comes first. Then when I wake up, I would have lost part of my recent memory. Then I would not feel uninhibited by all the negative conditioning I’ve had. I would be free of all the mistakes I’ve made. Sounds like a plan, right?

I thought it would be fun to forget certain things like forgetting I have allergies. Or forgetting I don’t know how to swim or ride a bike. Or forgetting I cried over a cheesy anime. (Yes, I did. Now shut up.) Or forgetting I used to wear hideous clothes. (Hmm, I still do sometimes.) Or forgetting the wrongs against me. Or forgetting the mistakes I’ve made. But then, who’s to say that I won’t make the same mistakes? Even if I lose my memory, my basic nature would still be the same so I am still inclined to make the same decisions and commit the same mistakes.

The beauty of hindsight is its perfect 20/20 vision. We don’t need to second guess the outcome; we’ve experienced it first hand. The events that happened in our lives, no matter how hurtful, would contribute in building our character. I’m not implying that I’ve monopolized all the hurt that life has to offer, far from it. I’ve had a pretty happy life with the occasional bumps and bruises here and there. What I’m saying is when I think about it, I don’t want to forget anything. The life experiences I’ve had is as much a part of me as the dark circles under my eyes. I wouldn’t want to trade my bumps with someone else’s.

Amnesia, anyone?

Who commits suicide? No, I'm not thinking of committing suicide. Naitanong ko lang naman.

I became interested in this because there was a news a few days ago of a Pinoy who committed suicide here in Singapore. (And I just watched an episode of Criminal Minds where the UnSub makes it appear that his victims commit suicide.) His friends say that he is a happy person and it is very unlikely that he would have taken his own life. Or maybe, his friends were not able to see the tell-tale signs.

This brings me to the question: who commits suicide? Who are predisposed to take their own lives? What kind of stressors would trigger this kind of thinking? Is the fact that a person is in another country away from his family would trigger this? Or that he had just broken up with girlfriend? Or if he is not satisfied with his job? Or he can't stand his job because he wants to avoid someone in the office? Or he is in debt?

The data I've seen in the internet says that men are more predisposed to commit suicide than women. Is it because men tend to keep their emotions bottled up inside? Do women have better support systems?

If you live in another country away from your family and close friends, where would you find a support system? The new friendships you make may not be as close or as deep as what you've had before. What if the closest connection you've made in this new place was suddenly taken away from you, what would you do? What if these friends doesn't want you in their lives anymore? What if you felt betrayed and used? What if you want to move on but you can't?

I read somewhere that people who tell other people that they plan to kill themselves are less likely to do it than those who keep a brave and happy face. We should be kind to everyone we meet because we don't know what they're going through as much as they don't know what we're going through.

Ayan, kakapanood ng Criminal Minds. Hehe. Samantha Who na nga lang papanoorin ko. Hehe.

Bakit ako PO ngayon?

Appraisal time once again.  Gaah...

Your psychology, follows your physiology.  So very true.

Alas, I am done with one sentence posts.  I think.

Desperately trying to deaden my senses...

Mastering the art of pushing away...

Is it a good enough reason to quit?

It's been a long, drawn out process...